First Stress-free Run

So I am about to go on my first stress-free run in a very long time. Hell aka 4th year is finally over and running is like the 1st thing on my to-do list for the summer...

i did something stupid last monday, then something even more stupid friday. now im stuck in this hole that i cant seem to get out. :(
i want to go backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

a few things...
1) snow day today, though im not excited at all. i kinda wanted class actually...why?
2) the guy from booty text (refer to one of my earlier entries) just asked me to be his valentine. i dont like him at all...not in a romantic way i mean. he asked me if i liked him. i told him "i still dont know who i am and what i want to do, this is not the right time for me to date a guy." translation : i dont like you. but in all seriousness im proud of how i handled it. i used to be horrendous at rejecting guys. ive made quite a few guys cry....yeah.. my friend used to called the heartbreaker freshman year in college....wow...yayyy ive gotten better at dealing with guys who confess their feelings to me. go me!!!
im not really excited about this valentines day dinner that we re going on (thurs, im spending the real vday with girls!!!). but what the hell? free food, anyone? =p omg...im soooooooooooo bad. how can i pass up food though???nope i cant. its sin to say no to food.
3) housing problems!!!!! noooooooo!!!
goodnight

Once I start writing on the blog I just don't stop....
I was just thinking, this Valentine's Day will be the first time that I don't have a valentine since middle school! Wow, Jenny, Wow. I don't know how I feel about that. I guess I have mixed feelings. I will be spending it with two of my girlfriends (who are also dateless). I guess it's good in a way because at least they will be here for me in the long run whereas guys...come and go.
I can actually remember who bought me stuff and what they were on each Valentine's Day in the past six years. For my own interest, I would like to blog about it so that when I am 50 I can read about it and giggle...
2004 (freshman year in HS) - my first boyfriend ever bought me flowers! I believe he wrote me a card too.
2005 (sophomore year in HS) - This guy named Ed gave me a rose. He used to walk me from my locker to the where we waited for the buses every day after school lets out. Incidentally, I saw him last week on a Rutgers bus, he got fat....but then again who didn't? lol
2006 (junior year in HS) - my most serious ex didn't buy me anything for V day that year. He believed in "romance without finance". Those were his exact words. I remember asking him what he wants the day before and he said that he didn't want to exchange gifts. What a party pooper. However, we did exchange notes. Notes as in we wrote each other really long messages on paper and exchanged those. It was really sweet. After we broke up I destroyed everything, so obviously I don't have his note right now. I kinda wish I still had it...Also that year I also received gifts from two other guys. Lucky me...lol
2007 (senior year in HS) - By that point my ex and I weren't really doing well...but I think we still got together that day...hmm..I don't really remember what happened acutally..
2008 (freshman year in college) - I was STILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL somewhat involved with the same ex freshman year in college. Since he went to Lehigh (still goes to Lehigh I guess), we didn't see each other that day. But we webcammed. I visited him the weekend before V day. It was awful. I had to do it behind my parents' back so I didn't have a car. I spent 10 hours on public transportation that weekend. It was really awful. It takes roughly 1 hr and 20 min to drive from New Brunswick to Bethlehem, PA, but noooooo. I had to take...
1) Rutgers bus to the NB train station
2) Train to Newark Airport
3) Airtrain to go to the Transbridge (bus line) terminal in Newark airport
4) Transbridge Bus to Bethlehem, PA
5) Walk from the bus station to Lehigh University
That was just getting there....getting back was worse because I hit traffic...
ANYWAY, wow....
2009 (sophomore year in college) - This guy who used to like me asked me to be his valentine. Being the man-hater that I was, I told him straight up that I wasn't too excited and that I wasn't going to do anything for him (I was a bitch....). He bought me flowers anyway and delivered them to my dorm.

Well, I am not bitter about spending V day alone (with my girls!) this year. After all, I have matured a lot and have definitely found myself in the past few years. Not gonna lie, I won't be feeling my best when I see couples being lovey dovey on V day, but I will keep reminding myself that I love myself and that I am still on this never-ending journey of finding myself and that I believe I am becoming stronger every day.

Dear Rutgers,

You have never failed to screw me over. Every year around this time you make me mad, you make me cry, you make me want to slap a hoe. I just don't get this. How did you manage to screw me and my friends over three years in a row??!?!?! HOW???! All I want to do is to live in Richardson with my friends so that I can 1) walk to class in 5 minutes, 2) cook for my friends and myself because I am so amazing at it, 3) enjoy my last year of being an undergraduate with my non-pharmacy friends.
SIGHHHHHHHHHHHH
You left me with no choice. Now I am seriously considering being a commuter for the next two years.
=`(
Oh well, maybe you are trying to teach me a lesson. Maybe I should see the silver lining in everything. Maybe everything happens for a reason...?
Nah, as much as I try to believe the theory that everything happens for a reason, I don't. I always try to get the best that I can get. I will try my very best a find someone with a good lottery number so my two friends and I can live together, well, my current roommate and I at the very least. I will try to ask as many people as I humanly and socially can. I am signing up for roommateclick.com. I will do everything within my power. I don't want to commute, even though I live only 20 minutes away.
If everything fails....I know I will still live.
Thanks for giving me wrinkles on my forehead, Rutgers, as if I don't have enough shit to deal with right now. =(
What does not kill me makes me stronger, right?
Lastly, I just want to tell you that I will never donate money to you after I graduate. You don't deserve my money.
-A very disgruntled student

Booty Text

So I received a "booty text" Thursday night. WTF?
This guy on my floor came into my room Tuesday as I was getting ready to go to sleep. He confessed that he likes me. My reaction was like...okay...
Then he asked me to eat dinner with him on Thursday night, which I did. Dinner was okay. Nothing special. I am not into him at all so there wasn't firework or anything crazy like that.
Later that night he came into my room again...we ended up talking for 3 hrs. It was okay. We talked about really random things that I forgot already. He went back to his room at 1:30am. WAYYY past my bedtime.
I received a text at 2am, "So I really want to kiss you."
Me: "I don't know what to say to you...."
Him: "Come to my room."
Me: "....."
Him: " I really want to kiss you."
Me: " I only kiss guys who I like and know very well...so..."
Him:" Kissing is part of getting to know someone. I promise it'll be fun"
Me: "Well, I have to go to sleep. Good night."

WTF, why would he think I would kiss him....? Wtf. I know it's just kissing but I even take that seriously. Unless I like a guy very much I wouldn't do it. In fact, I have only kissed/made out with three guys in my life. The first two guys were guys I dated in high school. The last one was well....let's just say I got very drunk the night of Rutgersfest. LOL
I am so mad. Ever since I ended things with my highschool "bittersweet heart",I haven't had any luck with guys that I actually wouldn't mind dating. Granted, there have been a good number of guys that went after me in the past 2 1/2 yrs, I DIDN'T/DON'T LIKE ANY OF THEM, for very good reasons. The attention I received from those guys was more annoying rather than flattering. FML.
=____________________________________________=
Sometimes I think the loneliness is really getting to me because I have been single basically since college. I really miss the feeling of having someone. I miss it so much that...I almost talked to my ex this past week. Now this is very unusual because I am always the one that stops us from talking to each other.
I used to be very happy just being by myself. I did so many things, spent so many days by myself and was completely content. I used to refuse to think about dating and just genuinely wanted to be singe and be left alone. But now I feel like I actually want to be with someone. What happened to Miss Closed-Off???? Because I kind of want to be her again. Yes, that's it. I am going to go back to being Miss Closed-off and Miss I-Hate-All-Men.

Prayer Session

Wow, I went to a prayer session tonight with Alice after a legit Japanese dinner.....and I got my prayer answered....like one hour afterwards.
I am going to sleep with a smile on my face. =) Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee

1) I went on a ski trip this past weekend. I was pretty nervous to go at first because I didn't know anyone that was going, and honestly, that was the main reason why I went. I wanted to see what would happen and how I would act in that kind of situation. After all, I really had nothing to lose. It turned out pretty good. Skiing was definitely fun and I have about 20 bruises on me....not that I am scared of pain or something.

2) I was pretty down last semester because I felt like I did nothing besides studying and work. I felt hopeless. I felt like I didn't have time to do anything because I was putting in most of my time studying. Then I had an epiphany sometime in the past two days. I don't have to study all the time to do okay in my classes; I just need to be more efficient. I spent most of my time (80% at least) studying with a group with people from my class last semester. We would meet up at night or after class and study for what it seems like forever. I thought it was great. We helped each other with materials we didn't understand, shared notes, and encouraged each other. The only problem is the group is not efficient. We would spend 12 hours going over one Patho lecture. On days I didn't study with the group, I was able to go over a Patho lecture in 2 hrs and do just as well. So I've decided that I need to break away from the group and study by myself so I have more time to do non-pharmacy related things that I never got to do last semester. Of course, I will still join the group from time to time, but I really cannot afford going over every single detail and spending a weekend on just two lectures anymore. Actually, since last week, I've scheduled two or more social events/recreational class/or whatever a week for me to do. The goal is to reach out more, to do things I didn't get to do last semester, and to see what I can learn from every new activity that I do, every new person that I meet...etc. I hope I will be happier and feel more fulfilled....

3) The third topic I want to talk about is balance. Balance is the key to everything. Without balance, we feel lost, we feel down, we feel like something is wrong. Too much of everything isn't good. Too little of everything is good, also. I am not going to go into specific details about what I have too much or what I am lacking in my life. I just have this one question I keep asking myself, what do I do to get something that I want? The answer used to be, "just go get it." That was my solution to every problem I've had. I went straight to the solution, as aggressively as I possibly could. Now the answer seems blurry as I realized I can't get everything that I want. I keep trying, though. I never gave up. And that's why I love myself, for being persistent. I give myself so much credit for that. Life is a journey, not a destination.

the beginning of my much-needed winter break

im le tired. so here are some disorganized thoughts before i go to sleep:
this week: 2 finals, 4 days of work, and i still managed to hung out with people every single day. kudos.
also i started running a lot again. i guess thats what happens when i come back home.
goal: 15 -20 miles every week.
on average, i believed i ran 10-13 miles every week. with 19 credits and work at 6:30am on the weekend, i gave my best.
now that im on break, i really have to make the best of my time and try to get more miles in. fuck the winter weather. give me a long-sleeve shirt, a pair of leg warmers, my shoes and im ready to go.
words cannot express my love for running. people looking in from the outside just dont understand
they say that hobbies cant fulfill you, cant make you whole the way people can. i dont disagree with that.
however, as for me, i know for sure that every minute that i spend running is pure happiness.
its no longer a hobby; its my religion.

DONE

done with six finals
done with 19 credits
done with working almost every weekend
5 semesters of classes done, half way done with 5 yrs of classes....it only gets harder...
done for now
im proud of myself.

in times of despair,...

im not giving up
im collecting myself, and im going out.

motto to follow this semester: stop bitching about it. get to it.

You know you're a runner when...

• your first thought when you look at the weekly weather forecast is, "When can I fit in my runs?" check
  
• you have more running clothes than regular clothes in your laundry pile. not necessarily true cause i wash my running clothes usually after a run
  
• you've lost a toenail. And you tell people, "It's not that bad."
  
• you smirk when non-runners ask you, "So how long is this marathon?" check
  
• you have a drawer full of medals and other race souvenirs that you're not sure what to do with.
• you go into Starbucks more often to use the bathroom than to actually buy coffee. in my case, rite aid. this is sooo true. i also go into that rite aid for water. lol
  
• you no longer make fun of fanny packs because your running belt looks very similar (although cooler) to one.
• you've used an old race T-shirt to wash your car, dust furniture, or clean something else. no, but i do wear race t-shirt/s
  
• your treadmill has more miles on it than your car. i dont run on treadmills...im personally against them
  
• you get an invitation to a wedding and you automatically think about what race the date will conflict with.
• you have dreams about showing up to a race late or not wearing any clothes.
• you're not embarrassed to wear spandex. i still dont like them.
  
• the salespeople at your local running shop know you by name.
• you're always hungry. check
  
• you know how to take a cup of water from a water stop w ithout choking on it or spilling it all over yourself.
  
• at least one of your web site usernames or email addresses has the word "run" or "runner" in it. this blog is called girlontherun..check
  
• you know where your illiotibial band is located.
• you no longer hate port-a-johns. In fact, there have been times when you've been very happy to see one. i still hate public bathrooms and port-a-johns.
• 
  
• you wear your running watch even when you're not running. i dont have a running watch. should probably get one soon.
  

you've had your running shoes for three months and you know it's already time to replace them. nope. every 400 miles ill change them.

you spend more time researching running routes than local restaurants when traveling to a new city. check

your physical therapist's receptionist knows you by the sound of your voice on the phone.

you know where exactly one mile from your front door is (in any direction). very very true.

you know how to correctly spell and pronounce plantar fasciitis.

you own more pairs of running socks than dress socks. i wear the same socks for everything...though i dont think i have dress socks.

when you hear PR, you automatically think "personal record", not "public relations". check

you pack more running clothes than bathing suits when going on a beach vacation.

you have running clothes and an extra pair of running shoes in your car, "just in case."

your holiday wish list can be fulfilled at any running or sporting goods store.

one of the first things people ask you when they haven't seen you in a while is, "What race are you training for now?"

you have several drawers dedicated to running shirts.

you get excited when the new Runner's World comes in the mail.check

your Facebook or Twitter updates frequently involve running.check

your only recent photos of you alone are race photos.

you always have your next race on the calendar.

your runs are sometimes longer than your commute to work or school. CHECK! theyre ALWAYS longer.

your running partners know more about your bodily functions than your significant other.

How do you decide if you are a real runner? When you feel the best after your most difficult runs and wind up depressed because you have accepted your own excuses for not running at all. When you never see a runner on the street or passing your house without wishing that you were warmed up and ready to follow. When you can no longer imagine a full life without it...

i hate humidity.
because of work and humidity, i have been running on average 3 times a week, instead of 5-6. isnt this upsetting? right now im at a library because i literally couldnt run anymore. i am soaked and very much exhausted and pissed off from the heat and humidity. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
im moving in next sunday.
classes start on tuesday.
this should be interesting.

the weird thing is that the more eventful/interesting my life gets, the less i update this blog. with stuff happening like crazy, by the time i get to this blog, ive lost the urge to update here. argh!

also this is so not a running blog anymore, though my running has undoubtedly gone to a new level in these past three weeks. my left thigh is still sightly injured. it still hurts when i run. only the first few minutes, though. so its tolerable. i still have yet to buy icyhot. maybe i wont need it anymore.

on friday, i ran to walmart and bought a bike!!! ahhh! it finally happened! ill be riding this bike to class from college to busch next semester. there is just this bliss i know i would get from riding my bike across the river, on route 18 at 8 in the morning. i cant wait! what a great way to start off a day.

im really starting to hate boys. why is it that i always have a guy on my mind?!! i just dont want to think about him at all, is that too much to ask?! and also im VERY occupied. im thinking about him not because im bored.
this last guy that kinda of dated, im still thinking about him. WHY?!?!??!!! though mad props to me for never cried and got depressed over him. there was/is nothing to cry about. however, i do still always think about him. hes not even worth it.

I bought the perfect pair of running shoes yesterday at Lady's Footlocker at Menlo. I should've bought them a long time ago since I live 2 minutes away. I can't believe I went to all these other places to look for the perfect pair of Asics when the perfect pair was right here. argh! Well, $60 very well spent. My left thigh is almost completely fine now. I have been stretching a lot. Every night and before I run. I ran 3.5 miles yesterday because I was breaking into these new shoes and it was best not to run too much and ran between 4.75 - 4.9 miles today. I was so thirsty and hungry by the end of the run, or else I would have definitely reached 5 miles. It's really annoying. After four miles I am usually soaked, even my shorts are close to completely soaked. I know, it's gross. It's been so goddamn humid in New Jersey. WTF? And I become increasingly thirsty. However, there's no way I would carry water with me on runs. That's crazy. I don't even like carrying my purse to places. lol I don't like carrying things, period. On the days when I am lucky, I am able to find some random water fountains in some random buildings, such as the courthouse and the town library. The problem here is I usually go on my runs 8pm - 9pm and most of those places are closed by then. Oh well. I feel so hardcore. I got two runner's high's today. I love running. Even though I might not be the best/fastest or even something close to that, but I love running. I am in love with it. I don't care that I am taking 19 credits and having a job next semester, I am still running, at least four days a week. I can't live without it. It's not just a hobby anymore, it's my religion.
Speaking of religion, The Case for Christ is quite interesting. I gotta read it one more time just to clarify more things. Maybe I will even pick up The Case for Faith by the same author.
Tomorrow I don't have work. Someone is covering for me. I am going to read all day, then run, then possibly and most likely poker at night. I am looking forward to tomorrow.
Life is good.
:)
P.S. This girl today was mad annoying. I kinda saw her only because my friend had to meet up with her for something. She was like..."Hey girls, guess what? I got a boyfriend! AHHHHHHHH! Oh oh, do you wanna see his picture??!?!?!" Then she proceeded to show us his picture that was on her phone. THEN proceeded to tell us how he confessed his feelings and that they're meeting up later. And looked at us three single girls like we're pathetic. Seriously girl, WTF? I am single by choice and definitely not pathetic. I am convinced most people think us single people are pathetic but I am really in a happy place right now. The thing that also pisses me off is that my friend was like oh look, ____ has a bf, ________ is taken, now you got a bf, J****(my name) is probably going to be next, what am I going to do? .........seriously, being 19 and single isn't bad.....

Today is a beautiful Thursday. I got up around 10, slept at 12:30 last night. I then drove my mom to work, went to Stop&Shop to buy a chapstick, then went to my friend's house, that's where I am right now. Last night, I went to Josh's sublet house for a movie night with some brothers. It was nice. We watched Yes Man. Around 5, I will go shopping for a pair of running shoes that I have been meaning to buy in the past month, because I practically have no running shoes to wear, my old ones are completely done. Tomorrow I am hanging out with Eugenia, Carmen might tag along. Then Saturday I have work, and going to Mo's house for poker and drinks at night, then I have work again on Sunday, Monday - Wed. Argh! I dread working so much. Not only is it tiring, it's also freaking stressful. The only thing that's good about it is the money I get from it. I am so sick of it. However, it's still the best job that I could possibly get. I am sure retail pharmacy is horrible on a higher level and the pay isn't as great.
A lot has happened so far this week. Good and bad, also it was a little bit of an emotional rollercoaster. But now things are calm.
Also lately, I have been thinking about becoming more socialable. I am tired of being shy out of my comfort zone. It's a huge deal to be able to step out of my comfort zone and do things that I wouldn't normally do and hang out with people that I wouldn't normally hang out with. Surely, there are cautions though. I wouldn't hang out with anyone who's a bitch. If I hang out with this person, and he/she turns out to be an asshole, then of course I am not going to hang out with them again. I believe that who a person hangs out with says a lot about the person. It's always important not to associate yourself with people who bring you down.

Let's see...I don't even know how to update this blog anymore since it's been like a week? A lot of happened this week and last week, compared to the rest of my uneventful summer.
I went to the beach last Friday. It was interesting. It was more fun than I thought it would be since I actually opened up and talked more than I usually did with the people whom I went with. People will treat you how you treat them. If you make them feel comfortable, they will be comfortable and make you feel comfortable. When I hang out with people that I don't really know well, I tend to be really shy. However last Friday I just tried to be myself and contributed to the conversations and it was pretty awesome. I am going to work on that more - to not be as shy.
Saturday, I went to Chantalle's bbq after work. She lives in Scotch Plains, which is like 15 minutes from where I live. That place is a piece of heaven. Her house isn't that big; however it's really nicely decorated. Her pool house is HUGE, so is her pool. Only about ten people were there, and she hired a chef and an assistant. Wow, and I thought the economy wasn't doing well. There she was, hiring a chef and an assistant. From the way they talked, I think the chef serves at her house a lot. Her life is really awesome. Though I am not exactly the jealous type, I wish I had her life. lol
As far as running is concerned, I still have problems running after a day of work. However I run on average 4 times a week, 4.5 - 5 miles each time. So it's all right. I am planning on increase my run by .5 mile every week or two weeks, and run a half-marathon (13.1 miles) by next summer.
As far as reading is concerned, I have been reading whenever I can, whatever that interests me the most. This book in particular, intrigued me a good deal. However I wasn't able to read it again yesterday because it was somehow wrapped I didn't want to unwrap it if I wasn't going to buy it. I am going to Barnes&Noble to read again later on today.
I have read about Mane n' Tail for a while now. I finally bought the original shampoo and conditioner last night. They are supposed to make my hair thick, shiny, and all that, and most shockingly, longer. After trying both the shampoo and the conditioner, I have to say that they're different from the other hair products that I've used (which is like, three products lol). My hair does seem stronger, thicker, and shinier after the first application. I really can't wait till after I've used them for longer. However, for best results, I am going to alternate hair products. I am still going to use Pantene ProV, and maybe Tresemme. I am excited!
Today I want to go somewhere fun to shop. I was thinking of driving to Premium's Crossing (I think it's called that) or Jersey Gardens at least. I will figure something out...in the next 20 minutes or so.